Dancing When I Want to Hide

adams-family-love imageOne moment we are happily dancing and the next moment I am dancing when I want to hide, as my BeLoved and I are conversing about a subject.  Before I know it, the words have leaked out one of our mouths.  After all, he is comfortable in his next statement.  As for me, I am coiling backwards.  For the most part, I cannot breathe, I want to scream and I can feel.  Wait!  That’s it, I feel!  I step into my emotions and allow the feelings to flow.  My eyelids fluttering fast and furious, as I realize that the tears will come. Therefore, I will not stop them; something is happening.  I am calming, breathing, and even though I cannot look at him,  I know that I am alright.

His statement had absolutely nothing to do with me.  Consequently, it belonged solely to him, and he was not about to back down from it.  Fortunately, he is happy that he was able to express this to me; he is happy that he felt safe enough to say it to me.  What is happening?  Ugh, really are we drifting to another life, mine or his or both as this is not our first rodeo together.

OH NO!  Where Can I Hide?

As I sit and observe the world around me.  He sits with me.  Oh great, a test: mine, his or both. Really Angels, okay.  I am feeling much better then, wham, he says something else.  UGH! REALLY, WHY are you challenging me like this, is all I could think of, wait….stop thinking.    

Again I feel like crawling under a rock and hiding from what I am about to face.  A mega insecurity, and he knows it.  Darn it!   Next, I see the glint of a light shining above me; it’s the sweet angels coming and sitting with me, “Girl, you’ve got this!  Come on!  Time to Rock it Out!

No, Please Do Not Make Me Relive This!

Part of me hears a current song, “Same Old Love,” by Selena Gomez.  The other part of me is the fragmentation of a past life who wants to be heard.  “I don’t believe you left me in pieces…too hard to breath. I’m so sick of the same old love. I’m so sick of how this tears me up.”

 Oh no!

Here they come, the tears.  I allow them to flow.  As I am trying to breathe,  the past floods and fills my eyes like a cascading  waterfall.  My BeLoved sits and waits.  Does he realize what is happening?  Does he realize I am releasing both of our past lives.  Fortunately, he sits tapping his keys; he wants to get out and finish the errand, and yet, he sits.

I feel as I am flying and wondering if time has stopped, however, I see that the world around me spins.  I am in between spaces of times, the notion that past and present collide and intercede one another.  She will be heard; her voice is strong;  “I am so sick of that love…please let me leave, I cannot stay; you do not deserve my pain and anger.”  My tears flowing as to what this dear girl endured and knowing that she is finally coming into a state of peace.

With her release, she is giving me my life to a fuller, freer love.  Captivity is no more.  She is let go; free from her painful tormentors.  I say a prayer, smile at our reflection in the window.  The four of us have quite a story.  As I am returning to the present, I hear the tap of my BeLoved’s keys; one of his hands is on the door knob; he stirs.

Rocking Our World 

Rock it I did!  Inhale, tears fall and my words come forth.  My BeLoved smiles at me, we go deeper into the conversation and energetically high five one another.  No words need to be spoken; my recovery into the dance of which we are,

Score one mega hit for Me and so sorry for the insecurity that did not even belong to me; it was from another and her feelings intertwining within me.   Releasing, letting go and dancing for all to see.

Here’s the direct link for a past life healing or soul retrieval. 

Much Love and Magical Blessings, 

Natasha 

Here is where to find me: 

Natasha Publicty PhotoNatasha Botkin, Master Teacher & Intuitive Energy Healer and #1 International Best Selling Author and creator of Reclaiming Your Power, Empower Your Words and Heart Meditative Writing. Gifted with the divine wisdom of guiding one transforming heart and soul with passion, creative play and healing energies.  Natasha works closely with  Youth & Adults  by using all the elements (Fire, Water, Air, Earth, Spirit) from a multi-dimensional healing of energies releasing patterns and blocks by helping one to shine their light and empower them.

In Her Power Image

Eeek! My Interview is Live

Eeek! My Interview is Live

Reclaiming Your Power Image

In Her Power by Natasha Botkin

Eeek! Was my first reaction to an interview. For years I would not admit, acknowledge or state that I am a domestic violence survivor. Part of my journey is the Reclamation of me and to openly and honestly discuss this for all to hear.  Due to what I went through I developed a massive trust issue.  What I discovered is that I did not trust me, did not feel safe and so much more.

Slowly, I have begun reclaiming me.  I am a wonderful illuminating treasure filled with the most valuable divine essence.  The most beautiful of all is remembering who I am.  There is not right or wrong way to your own discovery and the notion of what works is a beautiful moment in itself.  I am thankful for all that I have learned.  Yes, you read that correctly, I am thankful.  I now know and able to understand and identify what is a trigger and what this means for me.  As with any trauma there is much more growing and healing.  The biggest was forgiving myself for being lied to.  The Art of Forgiveness

 Please enjoy this interview

Indomitable Women Welcomes Natasha Botkin 

 

Here is a previous blog describing this: Reclaiming Your Power

If you would like to learn more about reclaiming your power or how to regain yourself after trauma or domestic violence please feel free to contact me: https://magicalwellness17.com

Much Love, Much Light and Magical Blessings,

Natasha 

Natasha Publicty PhotoNatasha Botkin, Master Teacher & Intuitive Energy Healer and #1 International Best Selling Author and creator of Reclaiming Your Power, Empower Your Words and Heart Meditative Writing. Gifted with the divine wisdom of guiding one transforming heart and soul with passion, creative play and healing energies.  Natasha works closely with  Youth & Adults  by using all the elements (Fire, Water, Air, Earth, Spirit) from a multi-dimensional healing of energies releasing patterns and blocks by helping one to shine their light and empower them.  Connect with me https://magicalwellness17.com

 

In Her Power Image

Reclaiming Your Power

In my previous blog Unclearing the Path of the Past, I am describing a defining moment of releasing the past. In one moment I mention that I was held by the shame and guilt of a mistake. It is not easy for me to stand here and make this statement:

I am a survivor of Domestic Violence.

The mistake that held me hostage–is me.

What?

How could this be true?

Awwww, but it is. It took me 8 years to admit that I am a survivor of DV. It was a secret, a hidden secret. Shhh, “no one is to know, they will think less of me” is what my negative mental chatter would preach to me over and over. This helped keep me away from my power, and any attempt to be in my power would placate the essence of the hidden notion, and this created a way to dull my sparkle.

Years had passed, and few knew of this facet. A co-worker sees me crying, “Honey, what is wrong?” I screwed up, I was so scared of what had previously happened to me, that I sent what is my true love (not abusive love) away from me. It was the last thing I desired, and when I tried to apologize, the hurt I saw in his eyes bore deep into my soul. I deserve to have a real love, and yet those voices told me that I did not. This even kept me in an unhealthy work situation. All because of the mistaken shame and guilt that was dulling my shine, and the preconceived notion that people often rant, “What’s wrong with her,She could just leave.” Society’s judgmental notion of my greatest fear:

I have no voice, and I am unvaluable.  

I was hiding, from the shame and guilt of the DV, and yet I am a strong, intelligent woman; how could this possibly happen to me. They will think less of me. This began my dark secret and when I sent my Beloved away, I went into a darker state of being.  They can’t know: They will think less of me. A rant of my fears of a family who told me to sit down and shut up, I have nothing to say, and one day I did.  The Sound of my silence lessening my voice, my worth.  I was the good girl and did as I was told; I surrendered to the ill ways of the fear.  

My heart & soul calling out for me to Dive Deep, “Go deeper than ever before: go to the nucleus.” Dive I did, and when I rose to the surface, what was shown was beyond anything that I have ever seen. So, many past lives danced in front of me showing me where the lies of confusion began; all of these creating an entagnled & intertwined state of being. Forgiveness for all and especially forgiveness towards myself. I am stepping into another light, another state of being. They helped show me that others would benefit?  Once I saw it in that manner; it was too selfish to keep to myself.

This needs to shine in our world!

I am able to feel My inner peace and power.

the serenity of divine grace pulsing through my heart and soul: my true authentic voice returning to this manner of God’s Soul deep within me; I am one with he. 

I am able to forgive me; By forgiving me, the ultimate healing began

I am free.

I have the most magnificent voice.  

Most of all

I am valuable.

 

I was divinely called to create the program Shine Your Power.  We go on the most incredible journey of capturing the ego story. Then we will release this in a gentle manner, and finalize your healing with a wonderful way to reclaim your power.

 Yes!  Shine Your Power program.

You do not have to be a DV survivor to be provided the benefits and healing.  There are so many things that can dull one’s sparkle: any relationship, unhealthy work environments, society and so forth.  Everyone deserves to sparkle and shine,   to be in their true authentic power, and to know their inner power in a divinely graceful manner of a deep inner peace.

Let me guide you into your brightest Beaming State of being.    

Oodles of Love  and Magical Blessings, 

Natasha 

Natasha Botkin Magical Blessings Healing Center

Natasha Botkin, Master Teacher & Intuitive Behavioral Energy Healer, is a #1 international bestselling Author, Artist, Shiny Gold Star Quest creator.  She uses healing soul psychology energies when working with youth and adults by releasing anxious patterns & blocks to help them empower themselves.  Connect with me: Magical Blessings Healing Center