In my previous blog Unclearing the Path of the Past, I am describing a defining moment of releasing the past. In one moment I mention that I was held by the shame and guilt of a mistake. It is not easy for me to stand here and make this statement:
I am a survivor of Domestic Violence.
The mistake that held me hostage–is me.
How could this be true?
Awwww, but it is. It took me 8 years to admit that I am a survivor of DV. It was a secret, a hidden secret. Shhh, “no one is to know, they will think less of me” is what my negative mental chatter would preach to me over and over. This helped keep me away from my power, and any attempt to be in my power would placate the essence of the hidden notion, and this created a way to dull my sparkle.
Years had passed, and few knew of this facet. A co-worker sees me crying, “Honey, what is wrong?” I screwed up, I was so scared of what had previously happened to me, that I sent what is my true love (not abusive love) away from me. It was the last thing I desired, and when I tried to apologize, the hurt I saw in his eyes bore deep into my soul. I deserve to have a real love, and yet those voices told me that I did not. This even kept me in an unhealthy work situation. All because of the mistaken shame and guilt that was dulling my shine, and the preconceived notion that people often rant, “What’s wrong with her,She could just leave.” Society’s judgmental notion of my greatest fear:
I have no voice, and I am unvaluable.
I was hiding, from the shame and guilt of the DV, and yet I am a strong, intelligent woman; how could this possibly happen to me. They will think less of me. This began my dark secret and when I sent my Beloved away, I went into a darker state of being. They can’t know: They will think less of me. A rant of my fears of a family who told me to sit down and shut up, I have nothing to say, and one day I did. The Sound of my silence lessening my voice, my worth. I was the good girl and did as I was told; I surrendered to the ill ways of the fear.
My heart & soul calling out for me to Dive Deep, “Go deeper than ever before: go to the nucleus.” Dive I did, and when I rose to the surface, what was shown was beyond anything that I have ever seen. So, many past lives danced in front of me showing me where the lies of confusion began; all of these creating an entagnled & intertwined state of being. Forgiveness for all and especially forgiveness towards myself. I am stepping into another light, another state of being. They helped show me that others would benefit? Once I saw it in that manner; it was too selfish to keep to myself.
This needs to shine in our world!
I am able to feel My inner peace and power.
the serenity of divine grace pulsing through my heart and soul: my true authentic voice returning to this manner of God’s Soul deep within me; I am one with he.
I am able to forgive me; By forgiving me, the ultimate healing began.
I am free.
I have the most magnificent voice.
Most of all
I am valuable.
I was divinely called to create the program Shine Your Power. We go on the most incredible journey of capturing the ego story. Then we will release this in a gentle manner, and finalize your healing with a wonderful way to reclaim your power.
You do not have to be a DV survivor to be provided the benefits and healing. There are so many things that can dull one’s sparkle: any relationship, unhealthy work environments, society and so forth. Everyone deserves to sparkle and shine, to be in their true authentic power, and to know their inner power in a divinely graceful manner of a deep inner peace.
Let me guide you into your brightest Beaming State of being.
Oodles of Love and Magical Blessings,
Natasha Botkin, Master Teacher & Intuitive Behavioral Energy Healer, is a #1 international bestselling Author, Artist, Shiny Gold Star Quest creator. She uses healing soul psychology energies when working with youth and adults by releasing anxious patterns & blocks to help them empower themselves. Connect with me: Magical Blessings Healing Center